


fine line

by suckmyboardbxtch



Category: Fine Line - Harry Styles (Album), Harry Styles - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Bad Decisions, Childhood Memories, Cliche, F/M, Falling In Love, Fine Line, Fluff and Smut, Hate to Love, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Love, Love Confessions, Love Story, Mild Sexual Content, Romance, Sexual Content, Smut, Song Lyrics, endless love by lionel richie, i'm back bitches, romantic sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23302732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suckmyboardbxtch/pseuds/suckmyboardbxtch
Summary: “Spreading you open. Is the only way of knowing you.”They both knew that they actually could never be together. Hell, they knew that they should not once in a lifetime be together. Life works peculiarly sometimes. Even if every sign around them claims that it should not be, some force between is unbreakable. And who would they be that they would challenge these forces the universe hands them, right?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	fine line

**Author's Note:**

> listen to the playlist while reading for the whole experience :)  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1NPlz8No1dL4XD2WuavZSW?si=dQHH3MEARMKRILZhiYYaoQ

_“Spreading you open. Is the only way of knowing you.”_  
They both knew that they actually could never be together. Hell, they knew that they should not once in a lifetime get together. Life works peculiarly sometimes. Even if every sign around them claims that it should not be, some force between them is unbreakable. And who would they be that they would challenge these forces the universe hands them, right?

It all started when their Maths teacher let them stay behind after class. It has been about five months. Of course he knew her. Everyone at school knew her. When he first moved here three years ago, the first thing he noticed about her was how she smiled. He knew, without actually talking to her, that it was never genuine. It wasn’t that her smile wasn’t beautiful because everything about her was beautiful. Her vividly observant eyes, the little freckles around her nose, her long blonde hair which always reminded him of the feeling of the sun shining bright and pleasantly into your face after a long period of weary obscurity. She was perfect. But he knew her smile wasn’t real because it never reached her eyes, but no one other than him seemed to notice. Not her cheerleading friends, not the teachers who were constantly praising her, nor her boyfriend. It was odd because he always had the feeling that she was solely sad, which just did not make any sense if you look into her life. Her grades were phenomenal, she had many friends, a caring boyfriend, basically a golden future ahead. Everyone liked her. Which also always seemed uncanny to him, because how is it possible to like someone just by considering their reputation?  
It was again not like she wasn’t a nice person. She really was. She approached everyone with that smile and even though it wasn’t real, it conformed the surrounding people. They felt understood. Her kindness always reminded him of the people in charity advertisements. She sat with new kids on their first day and included them into her group of friends until they found their own friends. She always stayed behind a little after school to help the janitor with cleaning the classrooms by picking up pieces of paper or just generally giving him a little company while doing his tiring work. She worked as a guidance counsellor and dealt with problems younger students would come to her for. She never looked down on anybody and never made anybody feel bad about themselves. That was just something so special about her, you don’t see that too often nowadays. Other than that, she voluntarily worked as a student tutor.

Weirdly enough is, that this was how I learned the real her. This is how I learned why her smile was never real. Simply because the nicest people are actually the saddest. And I had to learn it the hard way. Before that, I didn’t really care too much about all the car wash actions that aimed to collect money for some partner school of ours in a developing country or petitions she organized to provide our school with better furnishings and materials. I simply didn’t really care about her. Probably because I already had enough going on with myself. Moving across the country every few years gets tiring especially when the reason is a sick father and an illiterate mother. Going to a school with such a reputation while coming from such a household just does not fit. It doesn’t matter how good your grades are. You simply do not fit in. So, I moved here a few years ago. My mother worked at a convenient store that apparently never heard of a thing called minimum wage, which is why the first thing that I did when we moved was to look for a job. Consequently, the job took up most of my time. It left me with almost no time to study let alone homework. I was a good student, maybe not in the sense of organizing and abiding deadlines for assignments. Rather that I understood concepts fast and with no need of studying too much. I also loved to write. My dad bought me a journal when I was little in which “I should let my imagination run free”. It was my only friend when I was younger. It was there for me when no one else was, after my father got sick. I still have it.  
My point is, I was good at school without trying too hard. But after we moved here everything changed. I couldn’t attend some of my classes because I had to drive my dad to the hospital, or because we just needed the money since our fridge only contained an expired milk bottle, three pieces of bread and cheese.  
It was hard, I’m not going to lie. But it was fine because it had to be fine. Sometimes you just need to let things slide because it is life. We all need to make sacrifices. I didn’t realize that I have been doing them my whole life. She reminded me of that.

I was one of the new kids she greeted me at my first day of school. I clearly remember how she approached me at my locker. I was fiddling with my backpack which my dad bought me to my first day of Junior High. The zip didn’t work properly anymore and as I was cursing under my breath she greeted me. A simple ‘Hi’ in the most lovable voice I’ve heard in my life. When I looked into her face she was wearing that smile, reaching out her hand. I gave her a half-hearted smile and shook her hand. She introduced herself to me and asked me if I needed any help. I remember clearly that I didn’t introduce myself properly and only shook my head in response to her question. Why I remember our first encounter so clearly was because her remarkable smile was wearing off. It was shaken by my rudeness. But I also remember why I behaved the way I did. The night before my dad had an epileptic shock and my mom was at work. I had spent the night before my first school day in the ER. That didn’t stop her though. She asked from where I moved and if I liked it here. My short answers didn’t throw her off, but I could see the increasing sadness disrupting her happy facade.  
When I finally managed to unzip my backpack and put a few of school books inside it, I noticed that she was peeling off the skin on her thumb. She was telling me something about the different sport teams on the school when I interrupted her.  
“Look, I don’t know why you’re here or who sent you or whatever the fuck you want from me. I just want to find the room for my English class before the bell rings, alright?”  
Looking back on this moment I would’ve probably hit my head against my locker. Her smile was completely worn off and pure disappointment filled her face instead. She turned back on her heel and I watched her walk away. After that, she never talked to me again. She always avoided me. And I didn’t really care, like I said before, I had enough going on myself. I found some guys who were alright to hang with, even though I knew that they probably weren’t the best people to accompany myself with. I mainly spent my weekends working or visiting my dad in the hospital. Sometimes I went to a party where I met a few girls with whom I had a few good times with. On bad days I would go to the football field during recess where I sat down underneath the bleachers. I would smoke a cigarette and read one of my favorite books. Sometimes some of my mates would join me or some girl I would have met on the weekend before.  
Other times I would watch practices take place on the field. She was captain of the Cheer team and part of the running team. I would see her very often. It was kind of nice watching them. She was always giving instructions and built other teammates up when they felt discouraged, she was always running the fastest, always cheering the loudest. When she laughed I would notice her nose scrunching up as her sweet laugh filled the field. I also noticed that she had a boyfriend. I thought it couldn’t get any more cliché at this point. I felt like I was part of a cheesy contemporary young adult movie. But - unfortunately - he was indeed the captain of the football team. Most of the time they were having practice at the same time. It made sense I guess, since most of them were in a relationship with each other. The cheerleaders swooned over their muscles, while the jocks howled whenever the cheerleaders were practicing their cheers, or did some stretching or basically did anything where they moved their bodies, because men are literally like animals.  
Every time her boyfriend - let’s call him Brad, because he embodied the mere presence of a Brad - took a little break he walked over to her and lifted her off the ground, spinning her around, like a moron. She laughed every time, throwing her head back and kissed him afterwards. It was like a rehearsed skit. It became a routine and I almost threw up in my mouth everytime I witnessed it. He was a typical jock. Lots of friends, very popular, big chances to get into a huge college because of his football skills, yet everything else regarding school wasn’t really telling to say the least. At lunch he always pulled her on his lap, while she was holding onto his neck, always smiling. They were the perfect American teenage couple. I didn’t fit into that and I didn’t want to. At first.

I knew that almost every girl had some kind of crush on Brad, but surprisingly there were quite many who also flirted with me in the past three years. I mean, not that I am complaining or anything, it was just odd, taking into account that most of them were preppy white girls with rich parents and I am not the richest guy, nor am I on any sports team. I would have lied if I said that I didn’t enjoy the attention, because quite frankly it was nice to have something to escape reality in any form. Brad noticed as well and by the looks he gave me every time I got into his field of vision he definitely did not like that he had to share his attention.

Reality hit me when I was again sitting behind the bleachers, smoking a cigarette and reading the old edition of “To Kill a Mockingbird” from my dad. He used to read for me every night when I was a kid. I was sure that he would have been an amazing dubber actor for audiobooks. I looked at the field like I always did. The weather has gotten worse in the past few weeks and grey clouds were painting the sky every day now since autumn was just around the corner. That’s why I was one of the few people outside. It wasn’t freezing though, rather humid. As the bell rang, I picked up my backpack, fiddling with the zip as usual and putting out my cigarette on the bleachers. Every time I stubbed out the little butt of my cigarette onto the cold metal, there were new names or verdicts carved in. My favourite however was the answer to another one “I think I’m weird” “So what? Everyone’s weird.”  
It doesn’t matter how bad my day was, every time I spotted this quote my lips curled up into a smile. I think it made me less alone. I ran my fingers through my hair and went inside the building, by way of exception in a pretty decent mood. I entered my Maths class and sat down on my usual spot. I went through my homework again as I heard the girl next to me greeting her. I looked up and watched her as she put down her bag and smiled at the girl next to me, asking her about some assignment they were doing together. She wore glasses that she only put on during class. It made her look even more like the perfect girl-next-door. She still looked incredibly alluring, if not even more than she was before. The hazel colour of her eyes gleaming as she scrunched them up in the result of her laughing. It was really enduring I must admit. She caught me looking at her, her smile dying, raising one eyebrow in question which threw me off-guard. I put a stern look on my face again and looked away, just in time as our teacher entered the class. What was going on with me?  
Maths went by pretty fast and as I looked at the clock on the wall preparing myself to pack all of my things, I heared my teacher asking her and me to stay behind after class. I furrowed my brows in confusion but nodded in response. It wasn’t the first I got called up to the front because the teachers were worrying about my grades. I was aware of my bad grades but I didn’t understand what she had to do with it. As everyone left I stood up and walked over to the front. I noticed her looking at me puzzled when I turned my head to look at her though she directed her look onto our teacher.  
“Harry, your grades have been decreasing a lot lately and I know we have talked a lot about this in the past but if nothing changes you are going to fail this class indefinitely. That’s why I wrote Emilia an E-Mail the other day asking her if she would want to give you some guidance for this class.” I shot her a glare, and she looked taken aback, her face getting a little pale as she peeled off the skin of her thumb. She must have forgotten.  
“Uh...yeah sure, I’d appreciate it”, I answered inattentive while I felt a rather unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach I couldn’t quite comprehend yet. She greeted us off, and we walked silently out of the classroom.  
“I- Uh, sorry, I’ve been having a lot on my mind lately, I actually forget about agreeing to this.”, she looked at me dishevelled. It was the first time in three years that I had talked to her again, let alone stand so close to her again that I could detect the small dots around her nose which were fading because of the weather. I could still see them though.  
“It’s fine, but look, no offence but I really don’t have a lot of time for this and frankly I don’t even really need this ‘guidance’. I only agreed so Mrs Adams would get off my back, you understand?”, I didn’t know why I was always so rude towards her. I wasn’t even intending to talk in such a detached voice and glare at her with that stern look. It was as if I had this unconscious guard up solely for her. The moment after that was also the first time she got angry at me.  
“Are you kidding me right now?! I don’t know what is wrong is with you and I really do not understand what your fucking problem is but guess what, I also don’t have time for your childish bullshit. I agreed to help you and you agreed to do this. We are gonna do this. I don’t care if you think you’re so fucking smart and too busy that you don’t need this.”, while she was furiously snapping at me, red blemishes were forming on her neck. “Your grades are obviously telling something else.”, she finally said, crossing her arms, raising one eyebrow, while giving me the most vigorous look I’ve ever seen.  
“Fine.”, I rolled my eyes. She gave me a piece of paper with her phone number and turned around, saying “We’ll meet tomorrow after school at my place.” as she left me there standing in the hallway, me letting out an annoyed breath. Amazing. I slammed my locker shut and retrieved on leaving the empty hallways.

I knew that I was just not belonging there the moment my car entered the neighbourhood she lived in. My car was as unwarranted as it could possibly be. Fancy cars were parked next to the belonging neat huge houses with American flags drifting in the wind. My guts were begging me to leave but I proceeded to park in front of her house. We all need to make sacrifices in our lives.  
It was the neatest and whitest one of them all. There weren’t any cars parked in her driveway. I distinctly remembered that both of her parents were successful lawyers in their own law office. They were one of the most highly-seen people of town. They sponsored some of the sports teams in our school and represented most of the cases in town. There almost wasn’t a billboard in town without their flawless faces draped all over them. She was probably going to take over the office when she’s out of school. I scoffed. It’s funny how some people in this world just are born into a life which is planned out perfectly well and with no worries whatsoever while others have to struggle to get through a single week.  
I got out of the car and rang her bell. She opened the door greeting me with a cold “You’re late”.  
“I’m sorry, I told you I don’t have a lot of time for this at the moment”, I didn’t know if she would have react differently if she would’ve known that I had to go to the pharmacy to get my dad’s medication and thereafter drive my mom to work because we only owned one single car. She made room for me to enter her home. It was as expected as sleek as it looked from outside. She led me to her room upstairs without saying anything really. When I entered her room I firstly noticed all of the pictures and posters on her wall. It surprised me that she had posters hung of Frank Ocean and The Smiths. I smirked at the sight of a Lionel Richie Vinyl hanging on her wall.  
“What’s so funny?”, she looked at me with furrowed brows but I catched a tiny bit of insecurity in her eyes which the skin-tugging on her thumb only confirmed.  
“Nothing...I just didn’t expect you to have a fucking Lionel Richie Vinyl.”, I grinned shrugging my shoulders.  
“Oh”, she ran her fingers through her blonde hair and cracked a little smile. “It belonged to my parents, they used to listen to him all the time when I was little…”  
“It’s nice though, I like Lionel Richie.”  
“You are literally the first guy - no first person ever to tell me that.”, she chuckled while sitting down at her desk watching me with an amused look in her eyes.  
“That is because I am the only person you know with real taste”, I winked at her with a grin on my face. She rolled her eyes, but I could see her smiling while she took out her Math book. “I honestly thought you are like these obnoxious teenagers who only listen Indie music because everything else is ‘too basic’ for them and who rant about how they ‘were born in the wrong generation’ all the fucking time”, doing air quotes as she said. She was grinning. I laughed, not only because of her assumptions about me, but also because her smile seemed to reach her eyes for the first time.  
“Oh, so liking Lionel Richie just changes everything about a personality? Is this what you’re intending? Man, what if everyone thought like that, the world would be a better place”, she laughed shaking her head.  
“No it wouldn’t, I mean I just told you that you were the first person to ever admit that. I don’t even think my parents liked him that much.”  
“Well that only means that your parents have shitty taste”, I shrugged my shoulders.  
“I feel like old couples only listen to Lionel Richie so that they can say that they still got all the romance going on in their relationship”, she rolled her eyes.  
“I don’t know an old couple whose favourite song isn’t Endless Love, your theory might be true…”, she chuckled and I felt a little a twitch in my gut, completely different from the one I got as I drove here.  
“You can sit down on my bed if you want to, I’m just getting all of the stuff I need.”, I sat down on her bed and spotted a box in the corner of her room. I squinted my eyes and noticed it saying “my stories”. She came and sat down next to me caught me looking at the box, furrowing her brows.  
“What are you looking at?”, her voice again getting suspicious.  
“Are you a writer or something?”, I pointed at the little box.  
“It’s none of your business.”, she pressed her lips together and opened her book, avoiding looking at me.  
“Woah sorry I asked, princess, calm down”, I rolled my eyes and took my own book out of my backpack.  
“What is your problem?!”, she slammed her book shut, looking at me with big, fierce eyes. “From the first time I talked you you were rude to me, even though I was trying to be nice to you. I don’t fucking get you, one moment you’re all nice and cracking jokes and in the next you’re insulting me”, she threw her hands up in despair.  
“I think we should just start studying then, without having any other conversation.”, I avoided looking at her again because I knew that this twitch would return.  
“Fine.”, her voice sounding sad again.  
The next hour we spent going through recent topics, doing some tasks, and her realising that I really didn’t need any help because I solved every task without any difficulties.  
“I told you I don’t need any help”, I muttered as we were doing our homework at the end. I heard her sigh, I looked up after feeling her staring on me. I directly looked into her eyes as I lifted my gaze from my textbook. They were observing me softly as her hazel irises followed my every move. The golden sprinkles in them took me back to the first time I was outside during autumn times as a kid playing with the turning leaves and watching the sun set. The feeling was clutching my gut again.  
“I don’t know understand why you hate me so much.”, she confessed, her gaze never breaking mine.  
“I don’t hate you, Emilia…”, her lips twitched as she heard me saying her name for the first time. I hadn’t said it before, ever.  
“Then why do you behave like that around me, as if I’m the most ridiculous person to ever exist. You never do that with anyone else, why me?”, she bit her lip, her eyes beaming with genuine sadness.  
“How do you know that I am only like that around you?”, my lips curling up in a small smirk. She blushed but she didn’t took of her eyes from mine for no second.  
“You didn’t answer my question Harry.”, I smiled as I heard her name out of her mouth for the first time and right in that moment I decided that this was the only thing I only ever wanted to hear for the rest of my life. You like her and probably even more than that. don’t be a fool.  
Her face suddenly came closer to mine, mine doing the same almost naturally. I saw all of her tiny freckles around her nose, they looked as beautiful as the shimmering light in her eyes. I reached out to touch her hair, feeling as soft as the touch of an angle. I didn’t know what happened to me in that moment but my mind went absolutely blank. All of the worries, all of the sacrifices, all of the crap in my life was gone. The only thing I saw was her. I looked down at her lips, her heavenly lips which probably tasted like heaven itself. Our lips were barely touching as we heard a bang downstairs. We flinched back so hard that I hit the back of my head on her headboard.  
“Oh shit, are you okay?”, she asked her eyes big and still a little droopy from before. I rubbed the back of my head and nodded. She frantically stood up and fiddled with her textbooks, trying to pack them back into her backpack. “I suggest that we’ll continue tomorrow after school..uh..with studying obviously.”, her face was flaming red and I had to restrain myself from laughing.  
“Alright I’ll see you tomorrow for studying. Goodbye Emilia.”, I grabbed my bag and turned around, my hand on her doorknob. I looked back at her. “I don’t hate you Emilia. You just met me at a very bad time in my life.” She looked at me with beaming eyes as I gave her a last smile and turned the doorknob. “Please don’t tell anyone”, I heard her say.  
“I would never tell anyone that I like Lionel Richie.”, I opened the door and left.

The first few weeks passed and it was nice. She told me that her grandparents gave her their old record player. Since we shared the same music taste, we played a different vinyl every day from The Smiths to Lionel Richie. It was nice talking to her. She always let me forget about all the bad things happening in my life. I felt really careless for the first time in my life and I definitely could get used to that. Beside her music taste I learned that she wrote really well. She was a part of the school newspaper and one day I found a draft from one of the articles she wrote about how just our school could already change a lot about the climate situation. When she caught me reading it she got nervous again. “This is one of the best articles I’ve ever read. I didn’t know that you could actually write so well.”  
“You don’t have to fake being nice Harry…”, she blushed and put the draft back into a folder.  
“I am not lying, do I look like I go around giving compliments to everyone?”, I smiled as I saw her chuckling.  
“Yeah, no you’re too self-absorbed for that, I’m aware.”, she rolled her eyes. “I don’t know, I haven’t let anyone read any of my stuff yet, I always felt like something was missing you know?”  
“Haven’t you written some articles for the school newspaper?”, I asked.  
“No, I’ve only done some editing and other stuff. With writing it’s different for me. I know I’m very openly engaged in school activities but it’s something not a lot of people know about me. It is something which only belonged to me...if you know what I mean.”  
“Yeah I know that you are veryyyy openly engaged in school activities”, she rolled her eyes and hit my shoulder, as I grinned sheepishly before my expression got more serious. “I know what you mean though. I guess you are just scared to be vulnerable for showing everyone your work, it’s obviously completely different than sports or tutoring. But you are really talented. I don’t want to push you into doing something you are not comfortable with but you have great potential Emilia, you shouldn’t waste it. Fuck everyone who won’t like it.”, I shrugged my shoulders. When I looked back at her she was smiling at me widely and I felt a comforting warmth spreading in my gut. That day was the first time she hugged me and I don’t think I’ve hugged anyone like that in my life before. I felt like I would suffocate if I let go off her.  
“Thank you, I really appreciate that...especially coming from you...you arrogant bastard.”, I felt her grinning against my shoulders. She just simply was great company, we could laugh together but also talk about serious stuff. But we never talked about the first day we met up. It was forgotten as she wished it would. I did tell her about my dad though after almost always coming late. But also because she frankly gave me enough comfort for me to be able to fully trust her and open up about my life. It felt nice to feel less alone with my problems. I told her on a sunny afternoon after coming almost 2 hours late. She was furious when she opened the door. I think that she was debating on whether to let me in but I was glad she did. She confronted me about it and I could see that it wasn’t solely because she was angry but because she was simply worrying about me. The days before that my mood wasn’t as good as before and I had deep eyebags from working too late. After she asked me again but with much more softness in her eyes I started explaining everything. I told her how my father used to work as a truck driver and I didn’t see him a lot but when he was at home he used to spend all his time with me. We always didn’t really have a lot of money but he tried do everything so that we at least could live a comfortable life and that my mother didn’t have to work too much. He taught me how to play the guitar and when he was home he would always read to me. I didn’t have many friends but my dad was even more than a friend. He was my hero. One day at night we got a call that my dad got into a car accident, surprisingly he was barely hurt and when he got home he seemed to be fine. In the same night though he had a stroke. He suffered from internal bleeding and the doctors didn’t notice it. After that everything just went downhill. We spent a lot of time in hospitals and my mom had to take two jobs so that we could get through. I started reading to him every time I visited him and played a few tunes when he wasn’t in a good state. It took a long time for things to get a little bit more normal but I knew that it would never be like before ever again. Now our lives consisted of praying every day that he won’t suffer from another stroke because we knew that he wouldn’t survive another one. It was a miracle that he survived the first time. Now he laid in his bed all the time but if there are good days I tried to devour every single moment. If I had to make that many sacrifices for him to stay alive I’d gladly make a thousand more.  
After I opened up to her for the very first time she looked at me with tears in her eyes and hugged me closely. “You have no idea how strong you are. I am so proud of you”, I would never forget these words. It was the first time I made myself vulnerable to someone, I never thought that she would be that person. After that day everything changed between us. We were friends but there was still that feeling that something was missing.

As I parked my car in front of her house the next day, I saw a car parking in her driveway which looked familiar. I got out and rang at her door. Brad opened the door with a smug look on his face. „What the fuck are you doing here?“, he was wearing his football jacket, like he always did, and I wondered how he apparently never got hot in it. He must be sweating his ass off.  
“I‘m meeting up with Emilia.“, as my words left my mouth his eyes got a mocking tone and I never wanted to punch someone in the face more than in that moment. His arrogance was basically radiating right into my face.  
“Ah right, you need that special guidance right?“, I couldn’t care less about a jock making fun of me, especially about my grades. The thing that was bothering was that he was at Emilia‘s house. I had forgotten about him.  
“Yeah I need that special guidance from your girlfriend, now”, my voice was calm and nonchalant but that seemed to piss him off even more than what I just said. He clenched his fists and his face turned red from his anger.  
“Brad, who is it? Oh, hi, sorry I thought you would come later”, Emilia came out from behind, she was still wearing her cheerleader uniform. She looked fucking hot. I could see that she was nervous, because she had that smile on her face again. She put a hand on Brad’s shoulder which seemed to calm him down a bit. “Everything alright?”, she avoided my gaze, looking at him instead. He put his arm around her waist and nodded, he leaned down to give her a kiss. Him punching me probably wouldn’t have hurted as much as watching them.  
“I’ll call you later...have fun studying loser”, he winked at me and brushed past me. I looked back at her and she was tugging at her thumb again.  
“I didn’t expect you to come here so early”, she said as I entered her house.  
“My dad’s in the hospital and my mom has a day off, so…”  
“Oh, okay…”, she looked at me and the atmosphere felt extremely awkward like the first day we met. We got into her room and she asked me to put a vinyl on while she was getting her books. I peered through her collection, fiddling with her vinyls because I haven’t felt as uneasy as I did in this moment for a longer time now. Everything was going so well between and I got used to it. She felt like my safe place and now that such a little thing could destroy everything felt like a punch in my gut.  
“Haven’t you found anything”, she glanced at me from her bed, her brows furrowed.  
“Why don’t you just get up and decide if I’m too slow for you.”, I gritted through my teeth.  
“Harry is everything okay?”, she got up and I felt her approaching me from behind.  
“Why wouldn’t it be?”  
“I don’t fucking know if you don’t tell me because you’re acting like an asshole again.”, I turned around, her eyes filled with despair and anger. I hated it when I made her feel like that but I just couldn’t help feeling so bitter.  
“I don’t know what you want me to say Emilia”, I shouted at her “Nothing is wrong with me, other than that I don’t fit into your life as perfectly as your great fucking boyfriend.” Her eyes widened, but her anger only seeming to increase.  
“Don’t talk about him.”, she yelled and I could feel her breath getting steadier as I felt it brushing against my skin. We were so close to each other, just like the day we almost kissed. Her face was red, the heat from her body radiating right onto me.  
“What you don’t want me to talk about your stupid jock boyfriend who probably hangs onto you because you’re the only good thing in his pointless life?!”, my voice getting lower, I almost smirked at her provocatively. It seemed to outrage her even more since the red patches on her skin got bigger and moved to her neck.  
“Stop it”, she yelled even louder, coming even closer to me.  
“Or what?”, We were standing dangerously close to each other and my eyes kept looking at her delicate pink lips.I noticed her doing the same with mine. I don’t how it happened and who encouraged it but suddenly our lips where touching. The kiss was pretty heated from the first second and it only got increasingly fierce. One thing led to another and we ended up on her bed, her straddling my lap. I couldn’t believe that I was kissing her particularly in that way. I haven’t kissed anyone like that ever before, with so much lust and passion, I never wanted it to end. I wanted more and I certainly got it. She was surprisingly commanding, since she took off my clothes and broke off our kiss to move a little lower. I watched her doing so, observing how attractive she actually was, sitting on my lap in her cheeky cheerleading outfit. It went by pretty fast but in the moment I had never felt more alive. She literally was the best I ever had and the mere image of her moving on top of me sent me chills. Afterwards it felt awkward only for a little while but then we looked at each other and suddenly burst out into laughter. I leaned in to give her a little kiss, it just happened that naturally, and she didn’t flinch, instead leaning in. It was our first time that day and we kind of agreed silently that it was just going to be that way from now on. It always happened casually, on her bed, in my car, sometimes on her desk. It was amazing and the twitch in my gut only got bigger with every time I saw her flushed face and her alluring everything. Brad was never a topic in the following months. Of course they were still a couple and were openly showing it at school, but we never talked about it.  
Instead we talked about ourselves. We usually just listened to some music and talked about life like we did before, the sex was just an additional part now. She also told me about her little box. One day, afterwards, we laid in her bed and I noticed from beforehand that something was wrong. She started crying when I looked at her and asked if everything was alright. She explained that her dad was cheating on her mom for quite some while now. They were constantly fighting and Emilia was standing between them as they forced her to take sides. She was having anxiety attacks since she was little and her grandparents were the ones that took matters into their own hands and took Emilia to a doctor. He advised her to write journals so she could escape her demons and she hadn’t stopped since. Especially now that her home life was a complete disaster. I never expected her to actually have so much problems. After that I realized how much pressure she put was into. The expecting looks every teacher gave her or how her friends wanted her to participate in so many things even though she was not feeling good. They never saw it. The pressure her parents put her under was the hardest. They never talked about things she cared about nor did they mention her mental health which only got worse with every day they fought. They didn’t even want her to have a therapist, that’s why only her grandparents know about it. They only see what they want to and that’s what the rest of the world is allowed to see. That’s why no one seems to notice the sad girl standing next to her parents whose marriage is falling apart on all the pictures.  
But she told me that I was a reason why she was feeling better and that her journals were filling up with more and more positive memories. I was glad that I had such a positive impact on her as much as I was happy that she was in my life. And everytime I looked at her when she was singing to a song with a silly voice that was playing in the background, or when she was typing something with her brows furrowed in concentration or when she was lying under me tugging her sheets moaning my name loudly I couldn’t help but notice that I was falling in love with her. And I was okay with it, until we talked about him.

One week before her birthday I went to a bookshop to get her a little present. When I entered the store I saw Brad talking to the cashier. It was a girl from our school who I’ve recognized to be one of Emilia’s best friends. They were standing between two bookshelves and I was preparing for some stupid comment from Brad. She was giggling and played with her hair. He was smirking with that disgusting smugness in his eyes and then he just kissed her. Amazing. I was standing in the middle of the aisle and didn’t realize that I was leaning against a little bookshelf. As I turned around intending to leave the store as quickly as possible I knocked it over. I didn’t look back and just ran out of the store. I didn’t know what I was doing and I didn’t know what was the right thing to do in such situation. I got into my car, cursing quietly under my breath as I drove away from the store. I could see Brad standing at the entry watching me drive away. The thoughts in my brain were running wild and I couldn’t think straight but my body was almost subconsciously driving me to her place. I knocked at her, almost breaking my knuckles as she opened the door.  
“What the hell?!”, she looked at me amused but she was clearly alarmed.  
“I need to tell you something.”, I said breathless. She looked at me confused and tugged me by my shirt into her house. She closed the door behind me and kissed me.  
“Tell me then”, she said faintly against my lips roaming her hands on my chest. I hated that I needed to do this, but she deserved to know. She deserved so much more than that. At that point I didn’t realize that I was acting solely because of a deep selfishness and I regret doing so.  
I pushed her softly away from me, looking at her with sad eyes. She furrowed her brows and I could see her starting to worry. “Harry what’s going on?”  
“I saw Brad kissing Chloe.”, I said bluntly. She raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms in front of her chest.  
“What?”, she asked. I looked at her, weirdly astonished.  
“I saw him kissing her? I was at the bookstore and they were kissing each other, what do you mean ‘what’?”  
“Are you kidding me right now?”  
“Why the fuck would I joke about that?!”  
“Because I know you hate him Harry”, she looked at me sternly and I never felt so confused.  
“So you think that I would just spread stupid lies like that around to purposely hurt you then, is that what you think of me?”, I hoped that she couldn’t hear that my voice got a hurting tone. Her eyes were filling up with tears as she seemed to just realize what I told her.  
“Look I’m sorry but you deserve to know that he pulls bullshit like that behind your back”, I tried to explain myself, reaching out to touch her shoulder. She flinched from me, she had never done that before.  
“Don’t - just, please…”, she muttered and wiped her tears away. I was hopeless and frankly getting a little angry.  
“I don’t understand you. You’ve been cheating on him for almost five months now. Why are you acting like you ever cared about him in the first place?!”, my voice was getting louder, but that wasn’t the thing I was the least proud of. I never regretted something so much like I did in the moment as I looked into her eyes seeing the pain shimmer in her tears.  
“Get out.”, she said quietly, “fucking get out, I never want to see you ever again!”. I gave her a last look but then turned around and left.  
I didn’t realize how much she meant to me until I didn’t have her. Then I realized that I never really had her in the first place. The next week went by agonizingly slow. I spent every lunch break outside alone, smoking cigarettes and reading my book. And with every drag I remembered how she told me that she would burn all of them away some day. “You’re gonna die young because of that you idiot, and even though you look really hot when you smoke I need you in my life for a few more years” her words rushed through my brain every time. When I saw her I avoided looking at her and I knew she was doing the same. It wasn’t until Thursday afternoon as I drove to work and the radio was playing silently in the background that everything changed. Endless Love was playing and I remembered everything. The day we first met, the day we almost kissed, the time we kissed for the first time, the first time I heard her laugh, the day I drove to her with my old karaoke machine because she told me that she wasn’t feeling well, the first time she was in my house and I played music on my guitar for her. All of the firsts came to my mind again. That evening I went back to the bookstore and got her the present.

The next evening I knocked on her door. I didn’t know how I ended up here especially after the last time we saw each other but I knew I needed to see her right now. She opened the door and she looked so beautiful. She looked like she expected me to be here but her eyes told me that she was taken aback.  
“Hi”, I said.  
“Hi.”, she was wearing a white dress. She told me a week ago that she had booked a table for her and him at a restaurant. But when I looked into her eyes I saw that she was crying. It brought me back to the last time I saw her.  
“What are you doing here?”  
“What? I live here, I should ask you that.”, she scoffed.  
“You were supposed to be at this fancy restaurant it’s your birthday”, I furrowed my brows. She looked at me with her delightful eyes and I wished that I could tell what she was thinking.  
“Do you want to come in?”, I nodded and walked past her. It was like the first time we met. She walked in front of me into her bedroom without saying a word and I followed her.  
“So, do you want to tell me what you are doing here Harry”, she asked me and sat down on her bed.  
“It’s your birthday”, I simply answered. I opened my bag and gave her a little package. Her eyes widened in surprise as she took it from me.  
“You didn’t have to get me anything”, she muttered.  
“But I wanted to.”, she gave me a little smile and retrieved to opening my present. It was a little journal. She opened it and read the first sentences I wrote down.

‘Put a price on emotion/ I'm looking for something to buy/ You've got my devotion/ But man, I can hate you sometimes/ I don't want to fight you/ And I don't wanna sleep in the dirt /Test of my patience/ There's things that we'll never know/ You sunshine, you temptress / My hand's at risk, I fold/ Crisp trepidation/ I'll try to shake this soon/ We’ll be a fine line./ We’ll be alright.’  
-  
Because I know that you will be something even bigger than now and treasures like you need something to write down their thoughts. Your stories need to be heard so please shout them all out.

She lifts her gaze and I see the tears shimmering in her eyes. “I broke up with him.”, she said.  
“Oh.”, she stood up and came closer to me. A few tears were streaming down her face and I reached out to caress them away. She closed her eyes under my touch.  
“Thank you”, she whispered.  
“I love you.”, it came out just like that. I didn’t need to think about it, the words just did and I felt like it didn’t matter what she would say in return. I have been shut off my whole life, scared to be openly myself and let someone into my life. I said them for her but most of all I said them for myself. “I’m sorry I said these things. I’m tired of regretting so many things. I don’t regret anything more than that I didn’t tell you how I feel about you and I especially don’t regret that everything between us happened like this. I am glad that this is our story and I wouldn’t wish for anything to be different.”, she watched me as I opened my heart to her. Her eyes were big the whole time and when I finished she took a deep breath. And then she smiled.  
“I love you Harry.”, she closed the little distance that was still between us and kissed me. I never felt so happy as I did in this moment. I held her face in my hands, she had her hands in my hair playing with my curls. The kiss got passionate very fast and my hands started to wander down to her waist, pulling her close to mine. I held her closer as she sighed into the kiss. Our breathing got heavier as the kiss went on and our hands kept wandering over each other’s bodies. We moved it to her bed, as we parted to take each other clothes. She watched me as I took off my pants and got on top of her again, her gaze tracking my every move. After I took off her dress I let myself devour it all. We’ve done it so many times now but I never got over how beautiful she looked with her flushing cheeks, her messy hair and her pink lips. She smiled at me while I rubbed the soft skin of her thighs gently.  
“You are so beautiful”, I whispered whilst leaning down on her, sprinkling soft kisses over her neck. She lifted her back as I moved lower and I noticed her breath getting steadier. When I got to her chest I remained a little longer, taking off her bra and throwing it to our other clothes. She buried her hands in my hair and I moved slowly lower, trying not to miss a single spot. She moaned lightly just as I caressed the inner side of her thighs and kissed them tenderly. I looked up to her between her thighs and saw her biting her lip, trying to restrain a louder moan. I smoothly took off her briefs, leaving her completely bare. I lifted myself a little higher connecting our lips again. “I love you”, she mumbled in between our kiss. “I love you too, so much”, my hands moved all over her body as our kiss got increasingly more heated. I broke away and looked her deep in the eyes looking at me as if she was drunk. I rubbed her cheek lightly and gave her one last smile after moving back down. I again got back between her thighs, watching her the whole time from the top of my eyes. She was holding onto her sheets when I leaned down and tasted her. She moaned loudly as I continued only more encouraged by her sounds. She tasted so sweet and I didn’t think that it was possible being closer to her than that. It was all I wanted. One of her hands hold onto my hair while her other was pulling the sheets. I looked up, watching her moan harmoniously lifting her body from the mattress as soon as she got closer. She came sobbing my name. Her thighs were shaking lightly as I got up to her. She had her eyes closed and when she opened them a smile curled up her lips. She leaned in to kiss me and after a while got on top of me. She moved fastly and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I let my hands drift over delicate curves, until I rested them on her milky thighs. She was breathtaking as she threw her head back, supporting her movements by laying her hands on my chest. She kissed me while we came together, our hands intertwined.  
She laid down next to me. We looked at each other and I never felt more complete than in that moment. Her nose was scrunching up after I tickled her neck a little, her eyes shining brighter than ever before. Emilia’s eyes rested on mine and her gaze had something secretive. I didn’t know what it was but then she leaned in giving me the softest kiss, saying “We’ll be alright, Harry.”

He likes to think back to this night. Even though they broke up after going to college, he will never forget the first time he told someone “I love you“ and got told that he is loved back. He hears about her every now and then in the news since she became an acclaimed journalist for the New York Times. She called him when his father died and came to his funeral. He thinks about her a lot, I think that’s just natural with one’s first love. He now realizes that many of the lows were just necessary to make their love story so much more special. The highs were just as important as the lows and now after all this time he recognized that only a fine line divided these two stages. As said before, life works peculiarly sometimes and even though their ways parted a long time ago and he now has a family of his own, every time his wife plays Endless Love by Lionel Richie he is reminded that they are, indeed, alright.

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely people!  
> It's feels incredibly good to be back, especially in such dark times. I hope everyone is doing well and healthy.  
> Most you probably know me from my SKAM fanfictions but I've been a fan of One Direction for a long time now. The first time I heard this song I almost immediately got this specific storyline playing in my head and now I've finally written it out. This song has a very special place in my heart, I hope you like this story!  
> What's your favorite song from this album?  
> As always I gladly appreciate criticism and just know that m first language isn't English.  
> Other than that I hope you dearly enjoy it!  
> All the love!


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